First of all, I think it’s proper to give a little background knowledge before I start my blog.  I am 53 years young.  I have 2 wonderful grown young adults that I had the privilege of raising.  I thank God for them and believe God will blast them with His never ending, overpowering love.  I want them to see as I have seen the greatness of His glory.  I also have 2 grandchildren who are the joy of my life.  Rambunctious, yes, but also, intelligent, beautiful and great.  God has truly blessed me with a wonderful family and life.  Some may not think this to be true.  As with all, I have had some tragedies in my life also.  I have buried 2 husbands.  Both had cancer.  The first was in remission for 7 years, and then got killed in a car accident.  The second, died of lung cancer 2 years ago in 2010.  But the first gave me my wonderful children, and the 2nd, oh my God, was the deepest and most intimate expression of love God could ever give anyone.  I know women who are still waiting for a love of this type, and I actually had the opportunity to experience it.  Wow!

I am an elementary school teacher.  After my first husband died, I was left with 2 small children to raise, and I started searching for careers that would allow me to still spend as much time with them as I could, but bring in an income that would make life a little more comfortable.  I went back to school for 5 years, to obtain a teaching certificate. It was not easy, but worth every minute.  Contrary to my own mouth, I love it so much.  It’s draining, frustrating, and often takes up more time than I would like, but the joy, that I feel as I see minds open up and start to explore the possibilities is overwhelming.  I teach in an inner city school.  So, the kids are not always on target, academically, behaviorally or socially, but they are ripe for the picking.  That means, they really want to learn, and more than that, they want someone to really care about them, and I do.

I could go on and on about how much God has blessed me in my life.  I’ll probably mention things throughout this blog that attest to that.  But my latest challenge is why I started this blog and has me reflecting.  A little over a month ago, I was diagnosed with colon cancer.  BAM! in my face.  Shook me to my core to hear it.  I started seeing blood in my stool, and watched for the consistency of it, and then asked for a colonopscopy.  Thank God that I did.  I had a sigmoidetomy, removal of part of my colon, and the analysis was that it had spread to my lymph nodes. BAM! in my face.  Now, I am faced with chemotherapy, which will take the chance of it reoccurring from 65-70% to about 35%, stage 3 to stage 2.  BAM! in my face.  You know, I am a Christian, a believer, yet, this news has rocked my foundation.  I know God loves me, although I know I have not always been lovable.  I know I have done things deliberately that have been against HIS will for my life.  Yes, I have repented, returned to HIM, but damage has been done.  I know He forgave me, loves me.  I know that by HIS stripes, I AM healed. I just am not looking forward to what lies ahead.  I have also started eating better.  I am now a vegan.  Mostly raw about 85%.  The combination of things, trust in God, meds, change in diet will hopefully help me through this period.  Hey, I actually lost 29 pounds so far, that’s from Memorial Day to the 4th of July.  That’s better than I’ve done in 5-6 years.  I believe I am victorious in this fight.  Victory is mine through the Blood of Jesus.  I just sometimes get this sick feeling in my gut, like wow, I’m going to have to fight.  You know like when someone wants to fight you in school, and you have a little fear of the outcome.  I know the outcome, I win.  I told satan, “For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain”  Philippians 1:21.  I’m sold out.  I’m doing this thing Gods way.  satan gets no joy or victory. and, I’m grabbing as many for the kingdom as I can along my journey.  But that’s all for now.  I have to navigate through this site to see what else is here.  Take care!

About cluelessinstlouis

I am a 57 year old single woman with 2 grown children, and 2 grandchildren whom I love more than anything in this world besides God. I teach 5th grade at an inner city school and approach each year as a new opportunity to turn on light bulbs of inquiry to the minds of my students. I love to cook, computers, and spending time with those I love and care about deeply.
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